Gap Year

Mum brought me home after I broke down after three weeks at Surrey University. I was quickly coached into making the most of the year ahead and reapplying to another university the following year. 

I headed out to Newport to visit the job advice centre, and just before I reached it I bumped into my old boss from Somerfields, whom I had a Saturday/holiday job in my school years. We said hello, and it took an enormous amount of courage on the spot, in the moment, to ask if I could have my old job back, and to my amazement she agreed. Life lesson learned. If you don't ask, you don't get! 

I went back to my school to apply to another university for the next academic year. I had to physically go there as the UCAS application (recently moved from paper to an online form) was still anchored to the school's internal systems. Mr Thresher, the head of Year 6, was very helpful and practical. I applied for the course for Environmental Hazards and Disaster Management, which I had previously was given an unconditional offer, but had been put on the first application as 'my interesting choice'. Dad was very supportive of this course, while mum had expressed her reservations about not being very practical for finding jobs. I now realised that even if it was not practical then at least I would enjoy the course, and therefore probably do well, and something might stem from that. Mr Thresher also suggested more options open to me for the gap year, one of which was asking if I wanted to apply for a job as a learning support assistant at the school, as I had occasionally volunteered my time in upper sixth as a classroom assistant. He also introduced me to Camp America, a trip to the USA for several months being a summer camp counsellor, which sounded far too good to be true! I took the information home to study. 

I also applied to the Isle of Wight college to take up some extra studies. I can't remember if it was my idea or mum's encouragement, but the latter sounds more likely. I applied, with difficulty due to the lateness in the academic year, for a distance learning Environmental Science AS level. I was set assignments and I self taught nearly every evening.

I started working at Cowes as an LSA around November time, and only worked there for two months. I focused on positive encouragement and this helped my charge gain confidence. I was praised at the end of term, and told that I had been requested by Osborne Middle School to start as an LSA after Christmas for the rest of the school year. Looking back on it, school contracts seemed very flexible! I had a more challenging student at Osborne, who had dyslexia and behavioural difficulties, apparently he had burned through a lot of assistants. Me being a teenage 'man', it was thought he might respond differently. At first we were away from the classroom and I was private tutoring him. We focused on things he liked, for instance in a task looking at family trees, we drew one up for the Simpsons and cut out picture of them and stuck them in the right places. in the coming months we phased into lessons, and it was a case of two steps forward and one step back.  

I was working from 5.30am to 8am at Somerfield, opening the store and taking the early milk and bread deliveries, with the added task of looking after a DBS man who had severe learning difficulties, and was seemingly unable to retain any memory of the previous day. Then I would jump in my car and drive to school to work a day there, then come home, have dinner with my family, and then did an hour or two's environmental science study in the evening before going to bed and setting the alarm for 5am once again. On Saturdays I worked at Somerfied for most of the morning and on Sunday I played the organ at church - again, very much mum's encouragement there!   

Another push from mum was to join the East Cowes brass band. I didn't know how to play any brass instruments, but a cornet was thrust into my hands and I practised in the car in the garage. I never stopped being a novice. During the Town Hall Christmas festival there we were on Saturday morning, all on stage and dressed in Ulster Constabulary uniforms, ready to start playing. At the back of the hall, two policemen came in and pushed their way through the crowd to the front of the stage. I had an uneasy feeling for some reason. They came up and the band leader Paul W went to greet them. After a few words and glances, Paul indicated over to where I was...! They stomped over... in front of the entire crowd... "where were you at half ten this morning?"

I looked at them, with my green band uniform and holding my cornet, "Here..."  

They told me there were two boys running round town shooting people with a BB gun. Apparently one of the boys had been caught and he gave my name and address as the one who got away! The police had gone to my house on this information, and mum had told them where really I was and what I was doing, which is how they knew to find me! It would have been funny if it hadn't been so embarrassing.       

Mum arranged a skiing trip for us in February to the Italian Alps. Dad wasn't keen or really able to go, and Martin was still in school. It was a welcome break for me as the weeks were rather relentless with the early starts (even on the weekends) and late finishes. I really enjoyed the skiing, though I did slide backwards into a crater around the skilift support. Mum didn't help, but she did laugh and take photos. We went out to the bars for apres ski and happy hour. We even went on a snowmobile trip to some higher up chalets for some hot chocolate. I can't remember the destination but the snowmobiles were very fun!

After the ski trip it was back to work. Week followed week followed week of the cycle of early starts two jobs and home study. The darkness of the winter and spring months made it so much more difficult. This came to a head one morning when I snapped at one of the delivery drivers, who complained to the manager. The manager spoke to me about it and then called home, expressing that she was concerned I was taking on too much. They suggested I just let the DBS man sweep the yard, as he enjoyed doing that, rather than trying to get him to stack shelves. This seemed to help. Luckily there was not long to go before the end of term and the start of my trip to America.    

The Camp America experience was very enlightening. It definitely put me off looking after children for a while. I worked in Pennsylvania near Scranton, and went for three training days at Camp Timbertops. My job was helping kids making and launching model rockets, unfortunately there were no facilities to train for that there. I did meet a girl, Stephanie, and spent a couple of days with her, and again I was far too shy to make any sort of move, despite some of her signals. Then we travelled to Pine Forest Camp which was my intended destination for the next few months. I was a bunk counsellor with two others for fourteen very precocious tweenagers. My best time was when I was off duty and I spent time with the adults, particularly Jess S, the nature counsellor.  My time in the 'rocketry studio' were very bland. It was a basic workshop with tables and benches, and a store full of tiny engines, paint and model rocket kits. Some of the engines were very old, and these rockets exploded on the launchpad in a cloud of acrid black smoke.  Most of the time noone decided to come up. I did have a couple of regulars though, who developed more and more complex rockets as the weeks went by. I made a very tall rocket with 5 engines which went up and didn't seem to come back down, and one of the kids made a two stage rocket which blasted off once, reached altitude, and then the top section blasted off again! He jumped around so excited! I developed a good friendship with Ursula, a polish counsellor who helped with the dinners. Friendship seemed to be as far as most of my relationships go.

After working at the camp we were let loose to do as we please in the land of the free. I got the bus back to New York where I had booked a commercial trek down the east coast to Florida. I made some good friends on the trek. The highlights were clubbing in New Orleans, Disenyland and Universal Studios (we had a blind guest with us who got us 7 assistance passes... which felt more than a bit cheeky) and most interestingly ending the trek early due to Hurricane Francis bearing down on Florida, and we were evacuated to and disbanded at someone's house in Atlanta. I had little cash on me and had no idea how I'd get back to New York. Luckily I my credit card PIN came back to me in a dream that night! So I was able to make my way back via Amtrak to New York, spent the last week kicking around the city and came back home, exhausted and with bleach blonde hair.

I had a couple of weeks rest after that. I slept from 4pm to 10am the first night back. No job to worry about, no early starts, no studies. I had two weeks to unwind and readjust back to British Summer Time. This was a gentle, quiet time with not a lot going on at all. I met up with my friends at the Waterside in Cowes one last time in my gap year.

One memorable afternoon towards the end of my holiday at home, dad and I sat on the patio watching the skies darken ahead of a thunderstorm which rumbled over the mainland. In just a few short days I would be leaving the Island once more, for Kingston Upon Thames, to have one more attempt at university and to jump start my life of independence.

High School

I didn't enjoy the first three years of high school. I was short,  fat, and wore big glasses. Out of the three jumper colours (black, blue and maroon) I was the only one who chose maroon. Dad had also bought me a waxy Barbour coat, and a satchel like an oversized handbag, when all the other children had cool backpacks. I was the epitome of a high school dork and it was a miracle I wasn't picked on daily. 

The walk to and from school was about 2 miles. You would have thought that'd help me lose weight, but I sabotaged myself at the sweet shops en route. My waddling mass couldn't keep up with my friends in the first week or two going to school (especially up the hill in Cowes) but I eventually increased my walking speed. 

My first class was 9C, with Mr Clarke. I sat with my friend James F and reunited with my primary school friends, Andrew H and Charlie C, who didn't go to ABK. I spent time with the people I knew best and I was gregarious enough to make a few new friends, but I was very self conscious, especially because of my fat. One boy, Marcus, who was way down the spectrum, terrorised me through these first years. He followed me all the way home once. That really spooked me. One day when I had been feeling unwell, Dad had written a note to Mr Reynolds excusing me from PE. Unfortunately he had typed it on our brand new Windows 95 desktop computer, and although he had signed it, Mr Reynolds said dryly, "nicely typed", to which Marcus danced around the changing room chanting "Fatty forged a note!" to everyone, and then continued this all the way up to the top field. He may have even continued this in the following days, I can't remember . 

Despite the occasional run ins with Marcus, I was steady in class. I got involved in various things, such as the Newtown Science camp, organised by Dr Freytag and Mr Rana. Among our group were my crushes Christina G, and later Judith F (and later her sister Anna). I also got asked by one of the science teachers Mr Challoner if we in the astronomy club were interested in doing the astronomy GCSE! I got a C (which was the top grade for the foundation level paper).

 

My GCSEs were okay, it was a stressful time for all of us and we were told it would be the most stressful exams we would ever revise for. Perhaps because there was just such a broad range to revise. Mum often made sure we went though Letts revision books, it became overwhelming at times with her incessance in trying to get me to understand the next maths problem. I regarded her as being very much an expert at maths and I felt pressure to rise to her expectations. I got four A's, four B's a C, and a D. The D was for religious studies. I evidently wasn't convincing enough in my arguments. It was enough to get me into Sixth Form to do my A Levels, which was also at Cowes High except you could wear your own clothes!

When I turned 16 mum encouraged me to get a Saturday job. I had a very brief stint at the tea rooms of Osborne House, and then I got a job at Gateways just as it turned into Somerfields. I preferred stacking the shelves than working the tills, I was at too awkward an age to deal with customers! I particularly enjoyed working with my supervisor Ian, a confident middle aged man with a childish sense of humour. I was so excited to get my first payslip, it was only about a hundred pounds but I felt so rich! I also volunteered to work over Christmases and New Years, where I was offered triple pay!

I had a girl with a crush on me, Sam, who sort of went to the year 11 prom with me. She was South African, and was quite lovely. I was so flattered and excited when she asked me to dance after I tried to escape the dance floor when the slowies started, but I was too timid to do talk to her afterwards. I was terrified of girls.

Sixth Form was much more enjoyable. I was finally with a good set of friends, most of the more rough students had left, I had lost weight thanks to mum's summer boot camp and diet of leaves in 2001, and I was studying subjects I enjoyed - maths, geography, physics and english literature. Well, literature was the last on the list out of the choice of that, art or PE. It turned out to be my best subject, in which I got top marks at A Level! I'm apparently good at interpreting poems and soliloquys. Our teacher Mrs  Rooke was pretty fun too, like a loving grandma who shared with us a dry but gentle sense of humour. I didn't actually manage to read many books per se, but I did listen to them on audio cassette so I could at least write about them in the exams and it paid off really well!

On Thursdays I would get the bus with my friend Laurie W into Newport, as I had an organ lesson in the afternoon. We would sometimes get KFC. A small but regular little tradition which is probably worth a mention to remember. I was getting good at the organ by this time, having done concerts every year. In 2001 myself and a girl called Jenna M represented Yamaha Music Schools southeast in a national concert at the Birmingham Symphony Hall in front of three thousand people. We played Fanfare for the Common Man (the Emerson Lake and Palmer version). I was lead trumpet. It terrifying but brilliant!

I developed another crush, this time on Bonnie, one of my friends in sixth form. She was in my geography and literature classes. It started as a slight interest, but over time I became infatuated with her. Over the course of about 18 months I may have told one or two close friends, but everyone seemed to know eventually, so to avoid the rumour doing any damage I had no option but to finally confront my fear of rejection and take her to one side and aske her, heart to heart, if we could be together. She said she couldn't and gave me a big understanding hug. I like to think I took it in my stride. I still think about it 20 years later though.  

I got involved in a school musical, playing the electric piano in a jazzy production called "the Hat Stand", which is basically about a museum like mental asylum and all the hallucinations that the characters face. We rehearsed for months, as well as doing a few jazz numbers for the group itself. I was okay, but I needed a lot of direction and I couldn't improvise as well as the brass players. I felt like a bit of a fraud, but I was popular as I had just passed my driving test and I was able to drive all the girls home!   

I had no idea what I wanted to do after school. Mum usually managed to find faults in my choices. I wanted for a long time to be an airline pilot, but looking back it may have been a mix of the uniform, and the excitement of going on a plane as we went so infrequently anyway. At a school run careers interview which my parents also came along to, we discussed what I might like to look into. It was decided (but half heartedly by me) that I should aim for civil engineering, as "there's a big call for civil engineers". However I was reaching my ceiling in my maths and physics abilities and surging ahead with geography, possibly because of Bonnie's influence. Or more likely because the subject was simply more varied and interesting.

For my 18th birthday mum and dad let me hold a house party at home! They even helped me get in the supplies, and they stayed over at Cowes for most of the night! I had about 30 people round, and everyone was very well behaved. We all got very drunk though. The only thing missing from the house was the tea cosy which Luke W wore home as a hat, but returned it the following week. I woke up still drunk the next day, when I had an organ concert to play in! It didn't go very well... My foot shook all the way through Hymn to the Fallen. It was only after that that the hangover struck! 

I put in hours of revision for my A Levels, did the Letts workbooks, made hundreds of revision cards and got as stressed as anyone else in my year, as well as having a Saturday job. Mum took me round different universities, and they were all very nice but all very different. Not having experience of life off the Island made it difficult to judge which my favourite was. I opted for Cardiff, as it was a high ranking university and had the nicest facilities. Portsmouth was the worst, they had very few labs and the technical drawings on the wall were by students from the university of Brighton! 

I got A, B, D on my A Level exams (Lit, Geography and Maths). This was just little short of my university choice of Cardiff, but I did manage to get a place at the University of Surrey through the clearing system. 

I spent three weeks at Surrey University studying the foundation principles of Civil Engineering. A mix of being homesick and being out of my depth with the new maths and physics meant that I called home after three weeks in tears asking if I could come home. I had never been so ashamed of myself. I thought I had let my family and myself down. I felt I had no future. 

Little did I know that at the age of 18, with supportive parents, friends, and a willingness to do well, many doors can be opened. I consider myself very lucky to have had the opportunities that followed.